My Resolution

I wrote the following piece for my community writing group's January meeting. The theme was New Beginnings. 

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My family and I were on vacation in Oregon. It was the summer of 2003 and we were visiting my in-laws before they retired to a new home in a new state. I had five little kids at the time, the youngest was about a month old, if that, and we had all been enjoying our carefree stay at the family farm for the last time. None of this really matters or has anything to do with the rest of this story, but it's ingrained in my mind because I picture where I was every time I think of the phone call. 

One ordinary day on the farm, my dad called. When I look back on that conversation, the first words I think of are my dad saying, "I have cancer." He had been diagnosed with colon cancer and he wanted me to hear it from him. I immediately started bawling which is no surprise because I'm a total daddy's girl. But before you start feeling sorry for me or my dad, let me reassure you - my dad didn't die from colon cancer. In fact, he lived another 13 1/2 years before he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and passed away ten days later. But that is also not the point of this story. I just felt like you might be wondering, so I wanted to share how that all played out. 

So back to the phone call. I don't remember exactly what was said or all the reassurances that were given. But at some point after my dad broke the news about his cancer, he said, "This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Everyone should have the opportunity to look at their life through this lens." At the time, I disagreed with him, mostly because it felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I couldn't bear the thought of losing my dad. But as I've thought of those words from time to time over the past 20 years, my perspective has shifted. And as I considered them once again last November, I decided on a New Year's resolution: To live like I'm dying.

I'm not dying, by the way, at least not as far as I know. But I'm trying to live my life as if my days were numbered. A little over three weeks into this new year, here is how it's going so far:

• I have a lot of stuff. I'm one of those people that holds onto things just in case I might need it again someday, even though I haven't needed it in, I don't know, three years? Five years? I mean, you never know! Don't get me wrong. I'm not a hoarder. And I'm not even that sentimental, but there are some things that were really useful in their day and it's hard for me to part with them. I've found it's a lot easier to get rid of things if I know of someone who can actually use them right now. Or if I remind myself that I can always buy it again if I ever need it. Or I think of the burden I'd be passing onto my kids if they're the ones who have to go through all of my stuff when I'm gone. There are some things I think they'll be glad I saved, but that's definitely the exception, not the rule. I'm realizing that now is the time to let go. And the more I get rid of, the easier it gets.
• I'm trying to be nicer and more patient with others, especially my family. Nobody's perfect and we all have bad days. So I'm trying to be more forgiving and reassuring; to quickly move on from frustrations and annoyances. Regardless of how much time I have left, life is too short to hold a grudge.
• On that same note, I'm trying to practice kindness. Whether that means taking cookies to my neighbor, paying for the person behind me in line, or simply giving people the benefit of the doubt, I want to be that person. I want to leave people better than I found them. 
• I've become more deliberate about managing my time. Sometimes I ask myself, "If not now, when?" If my days were numbered then there might not be a better time in the future so I need to make good use of today. I'm getting things done, but I'm also prioritizing so that I don't spend time on things that don't really matter. I'm finally going to finish that quilt I started two years ago... :)
• I'm more open to new opportunities and spur-of-the-moment experiences. I want to have fun! I want to live life while I still can! I have a reputation for being a tightwad, but there's a big difference between spending money on stuff I don't need and enjoying unique experiences with my family, like driving for four hours to see one of my daughter's favorite musicals. We've already booked our flight to Utah in March so we can hear my son's music group perform live. I can't wait!  

These are just a few of the ways I'm learning to live like I'm dying. I'm sure the fact that I'm not actually dying limits my experience to some extent, but even so, I appreciate the new perspective it's given me and the positive changes I've made so far as a result of my resolution. I'm looking forward to more progress, insights, and meaningful experiences throughout the year and beyond. After all, to quote my dad, "everyone should have the opportunity to look at their life through this lens."  

Making Peace With February

I don't know what it is about February, but it's my least favorite month. With rare exception, February always and ironically feels like the longest month ever. Plus, I hate to be cold and February is typically the coldest month of the year in my little corner of the world. When I get chilled, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere which makes the days feel even longer. 

Knowing my feelings for February, I decided to challenge myself to three things: 

1) Write a blog post every day (After my long hiatus from regular blogging, that's quite a feat!) 

2) Create one piece of envelope art every day

3) Read at least one chapter from a book each day 

Today is February 28 and guess what? Once I publish this blog post, I will have reached my goals! I can honestly say that having those three goals really helped; surprisingly, it didn't feel like a burden. Now that February is over, I'm hoping to post to my blog somewhat regularly. As for the envelope art, I enjoyed the creative process, but these past few days I've really struggled to come up with people to address envelopes to. So I won't keep that up, but I took pictures of every envelope I designed so it will be easy for me to recreate specific designs when I want to send something fun. And I hope to continue reading at least one chapter a day. In February, I finished reading "Mere Christianity," by C. S. Lewis and "Atomic Habits," by James Clear. I'm now reading "A Grief Observed," by C. S. Lewis which I should finish tomorrow. I just picked up some new books from the library so I have a few choices about what to read next. I love reading and I'm glad to get back into it. It's been a while since I've taken the time.

It's been a good month. Sure, we had our ridiculous cold spell where I just wanted to snuggle up on the couch all day, but I was grateful for the motivation to get up off the couch and do something. I'm just grateful I can finally say that February isn't all that bad. 

One of my favorite envelopes. My friend gave me the dancing stamps so I had to come up with an envelope to send to Sam, our ballroom dancer. He loved it! :)

Be A Light

I remember we were just a few weeks into the pandemic when I first heard this song by Thomas Rhett last April. We were all feeling a little cooped up, frustrated, and tired. There was also plenty of finger pointing about decisions being made on a national level, not to mention the political tension as candidates and their parties couldn't say anything nice about each other. 

Country music always seems to tell it like it is and the lyrics to this song pretty clearly state what we all needed to hear then, and need just as much now. 

Here are just a few of the lyrics (first verse and chorus), but the whole song is worth listening to.

In a time full of war, be peace.

In a time full of doubt, just believe.

Yeah, there ain't that much difference between you and me.

In a time full of war, be peace.

In a world full of hate, be a light.

When you do somebody wrong, make it right.

Don't hide in the dark. You were born to shine.

In a world full of hate, be a light.

Remembering Spring

Last spring I started walking everyday. We are blessed to live just down the street from a recently paved bike trail that has some beautiful views along the way. We also live just a short drive from a lake with trails for walking and hiking. I've been getting my exercise indoors for the past few months, but I'm looking forward to the day when I can head outside again. 

Here are a few photos from my walks last spring and summer. So much beauty to look forward to!

 

I love how the sun is lighting up this wild patch of thistle. The flower of Scotland may not be pretty to anyone else, but to me it feels like home.

This little guy was so small and cute.

I Stand At The Door

This painting by Del Parson is a great visualization of Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

Most look at this as a reminder that we need to open the door and let the Savior in. He always honors our agency so He's not going to barge in; it is always our choice. 

So why not open the door? Well, maybe those on the inside desperately want to let the Savior in, but they feel like they need to clean their house first. Everything is such a mess and they are embarrassed and don't want the Savior to see the chaos. And when your messy house really represents your messy, sinful life, it's common to feel like you need to clean up the mess before allowing the Savior in. 

But what if you could zoom out from the painting above and see that Christ brought a whole slew of cleaning supplies with Him? What if the reason He's there is to help you clean your house? 

Isn't that just the most comforting and hopeful thought? I love that perspective. I wish I'd come up with it myself, but I heard it from Savannah's husband, Hayden. He and Savannah have a podcast called "I Stand At The Door," and it's about overcoming pornography and inviting the Savior in to help you. I know that the thoughts they share are giving hope to many people. And many of the things they discuss can be helpful in overcoming other sins and addictions. But my favorite so far is their picture of the Savior standing outside the door with every needed cleaning supply just ready to put them to good use, if only He is allowed inside.

God's Love

I love this quote and I know it's true. God loves each of us. Always. Just like a child might feel like their mom or dad doesn't love them anymore when they do something naughty, sometimes our choices keep us from feeling God's love. But His love is not conditional. He is always waiting with His arms outstretched when we are ready to turn around. 

Who is in Your Back Room?

Some good food for thought...

What if it's True?

I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My membership in the church is arguably my favorite thing about my life. It has shaped many of my decisions and has brought me an overwhelming amount of peace and joy. It provides direction for my life. I want to share some basic information about the church – mostly things that set us apart from others – and why we go to great lengths to share the restored gospel of Jesus Christ with the world.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the same gospel with its attending ordinances, covenants and priesthood, that was on the earth anciently. Throughout all dispensations of time, God has spoken to prophets. The gospel has not changed, but in every dispensation it is revealed anew for the people in that time, through the chosen prophet. The same is true in our day.

This is where Joseph Smith comes in. As a 14-year old boy, Joseph Smith had some questions about his standing before God. He was also quite overwhelmed by the religious revival that was actively going on in his part of the country. Between the contention among the different preachers and the confusion about their interpretations of the Bible, Joseph wasn’t sure how to know which church was right. One day, while studying the Bible, he read James 1:5 which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Serious reflection on this verse ultimately caused him to go to a grove of trees near his home to pray, hoping to gain some insight and clarity for the wisdom he lacked.

Photo by Jörg Bauer on Unsplash

Much has been written about what happened as a result of Joseph’s prayer in what we now call “the sacred grove.” For my purposes here, I will simply say that God the Father and Jesus Christ, two separate beings, appeared to Joseph Smith in a remarkable vision. Joseph was ultimately called as the prophet to usher in the current and final dispensation. Over a period of time and like previous dispensations, the gospel was revealed to Joseph Smith in its fulness.

The fulness of the gospel includes priesthood authority to perform the ordinances of salvation such as baptism and confirmation. Because of the great apostasy which took place after Christ’s apostles were killed, the authority of the priesthood was no longer found on the earth. This authority was restored to Joseph Smith by those who held it before. John the Baptist, as a “messenger from heaven,” conferred upon Joseph the Aaronic priesthood by the laying on of hands. At a later time and in the same manner, Peter, James and John conferred upon Joseph the Melchizedek or higher priesthood.

The Book of Mormon is a book of scripture that Joseph Smith was given the power to translate. It was given to him as a set of gold plates, which had been kept by ancient prophets from 600 BC through about 420 AD. Yes, we believe in the Bible, but the Book of Mormon was written for our day. It was meant to come forth in this final dispensation. Like its subtitle “Another Testament of Jesus Christ” suggests, the Book of Mormon truly testifies of Christ. With remarkably few exceptions, Jesus Christ is spoken of on every page of that sacred book. 

This very generally sums up the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. So, what if it's true? What if Joseph Smith really was a prophet? Then we know the true nature of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They are separate beings with bodies of flesh and bone. We know that God once again speaks through a living prophet. The heavens are open! We have the Book of Mormon which helps to clarify truths in the Bible and declares truths that were lost or taken away during the apostasy. Priesthood authority has been restored to the earth. We can be baptized by one holding the same authority as John the Baptist who baptized the Savior! Families can be sealed together for eternity; it doesn't have to be "until death do us part." 

All of this is possible because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. By suffering for our sins, He satisfied the demands of justice so that He can show us mercy if we repent and come unto Him. But we have to know the way. 

God is no respecter of persons. As the literal Father of our spirits, He wants all of His children to return to Him. He is not a God of confusion so the requirements are the same for everyone; there are not multiple ways to gain salvation. And that is why we take this message to all the world! We believe everyone needs to know about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ so that they have the opportunity to exercise faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repent, be baptized by immersion for the remission of sins by one who holds the priesthood, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end.

Again I ask, what if it's true? 

If you want to learn more, receive a free copy of the Book of Mormon, or request a visit by missionaries, start here: comeuntochrist.org

Feel free to comment or Email me if you have questions.

Class of 2019

Sterling just finished his junior year of high school. He also just graduated with the class of 2019. Somehow, a year earlier than planned, I find myself with another graduate in the family.

I have to hand it to him. Last November Sterling told me he didn't think he could do another year of high school, and then he set out to find a way to finish early. We have several students at our high school who graduate a semester early, but Sterling wanted more than that. He wanted to be done this school year.

The principal wasn't against it, but frankly told him that he didn't have the authority to change policy, specifically the part of the policy that said a student had to attend for at least seven semesters, so he sent Sterling to the superintendent. Thankfully, the superintendent was on board. The district leaders had been discussing a competency-based pilot program they were hoping the school board would approve. Removing the seven semester requirement was a perfectly natural companion to this, and both passed with the school board's full approval. Now the policy simply reads that students must meet all graduation requirements. At that point it was up to Sterling to comply.

It was a crazy semester at times as Sterling had not only his eight regular classes at school, but also four online independent study classes to complete along with a few other requirements. But he did it and he did it well. He graduated on Friday with high honors.

Congratulations, Sterling! We can't wait to see what your bright future holds.

Choose Happiness

Spencer has been doing so well on his mission. He's had 2 great companions so far and he's really been embracing his experiences and learning all he can. But last week was hard and some discouragement and even a little depression started to set in. During a routine interview with his mission president later in the week, Spencer was given some very wise counsel. President Nelson told him that when he's faced with a decision of how to feel, he will always choose happiness. Spencer said, "I really like that, so I wrote on a sticky note and put on my desk: 'I will choose happiness. -President Nelson' so I can always remember that."

The video for Day 19 of the Light the World campaign really touched me. It's the journey of an autistic young man named Aaron Jepson. At the end of the video are the words, "In the face of adversity, Aaron chooses happiness." It's a needed message and one that I've been hearing from many different sources lately.



"Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think." I don't know who said it -- it's been attributed to several people including Buddha, Dale Carnegie and Zig Ziglar, but I believe it. It's our thoughts, not our circumstances, that determine our feelings.

Just taking a minute to reframe things may be all it takes to see the blessings and happiness right where we are. Choose happiness. :)

Lessons Learned From the Total Solar Eclipse

I know I already blogged about our eclipse experience on August 21, but I can't stop thinking about it. I learned a couple of things that are noteworthy and I wanted to record them while they are still meaningful.

Lesson one (and fairly obvious) is that, even when the sun is completely covered up by the moon, you can still see the sun's aura. The sun never completely disappears. Its power still radiates from behind the darkness. For me, this drove home the fact that no matter how dark our circumstances, God is always there. Nothing is too devastating or bleak for God to make His presence known. If we look for Him, we will find Him. This is a beautiful message and one I hope I never forget.

But Lesson two is the one I've really been pondering for the past week or so. It is this: When we are fully committed, we open ourselves up to blessings and experiences we can't even imagine.

Bear with me as I try to articulate my thoughts.

We live only two hours from the totality zone. That means that our maximum eclipse was pretty close to totality. The graphic illustrates what it would have looked like from our home. Not bad. Our initial plan was to stay home and view it through our special glasses as it approached the maximum for our area. Our experience would be good enough without having to go out of our way, right?

Wrong!

Fortunately, I was talking with a friend a few days before the eclipse. She'd read some thoughts by an eclipse chaser and he noted that the difference between 99% totality and 100% totality is huge! No comparison. The experience is completely different. Well, that got me thinking and wondering if it might be worth the drive after all. It didn't take much to get the kids on board; after all, they'd get to miss a good chunk of the school day.

Because I've already shared our eclipse experience, I won't go into all the details again. I'll just focus on a few things that illustrate what I mean by lesson two.

For starters, unless you are viewing totality, you must wear solar glasses which literally block out everything except the sun. We had our glasses on while watching the moon slide into totality. When only the tiniest sliver of sun was still visible, I peeked over the rim of my glasses to see what it really looked like and, to my surprise, the sun still appeared so bright that it looked like the full sun was shining. It was only when the eclipse reached totality that we could remove the glasses and that made all the difference. It revealed a different world. From the significant dimming of the sky to the visible stars and the evening sounds, it was really stunning. Back home, none of that was part of the limited experience. They couldn't remove the glasses, yet they didn't know what they had missed. They just didn't see what all the fuss was about. And that's the problem. When we give a half-hearted effort, we may never realize that we compromised the outcome. It took more effort and time to see the eclipse in its totality, but as a result, our experience was worlds away from the one back home.

There is a quote that I came across 25 years ago by William Hutchison Murray. I've thought about it so many times. It says,

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way."

Elder Gary B. Sabin summed this up well in a talk given last April:

"We don’t hold back to see what the minimum is we can get by with.... When we are fully committed and “all in,” heaven shakes for our good. When we are lukewarm or only partially committed, we lose out on some of heaven’s choicest blessings."

I believe this because I've seen it happen. When I am fully committed, my experiences are significantly different. "Heaven shakes for [my] good" and "Providence moves, too." Who wouldn't want that? 

Don't be afraid to be all in. It's worth it!

Be the One

This video really speaks for itself. We love Gentri and the positive messages they so beautifully articulate through their music. Enjoy!

Pioneer Trek

My boys have had quite a week! Monday morning they left for Mammoth Cave in Kentucky with their Scout troop. They went caving and hiking and pretty much wore themselves out until they left for home on Wednesday morning. They got home in time for lunch then hurried to repack and switch to pioneer gear before they headed out that same afternoon for our stake's youth conference Pioneer Trek.

For the next three days, they pulled handcarts, danced, cooked and ate in the great outdoors, and tried to stay dry during a thunderstorm. And you know what? They loved it! They all had a great time honoring our many pioneer ancestors.

This is my favorite photo from trek. Don't my boys just look the part? I love that Jeff was with them, too.

The whole group:

Here is Spencer (far right) with his trek family.

This is part of Sterling's trek family. It's hard to tell with the smoke (though I love the effect), but Sterling is second to the right. His Ma and Pa are in the center.

Soren (left) with part of his trek family:

A couple of months before trek, the youth were encouraged to submit stories from their pioneer ancestors. Here, Spencer is sharing one of the submitted stories.

Here, Soren is helping his "family" stabilize the handcart as they walk down a hill.

On the last day, on a steep segment of the trail, the girls had to pull the handcarts alone while the men and boys watched helplessly. My boys said that as each group of girls reached the summit, they left their handcarts and hurried to help the girls still on the trail.

The Prince of Peace

I'm home! :) I was gone for a week where I was able to spend time with Sam and Savannah out at BYU. Then my brother, Rob, and I drove down to spend time with my mom in Nevada. It was a great trip and I'm so happy I was able to go, even at this busy time of year, but it's always good to be home.

I don't want to wait another minute before sharing this beautiful Easter message from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is what I believe. Reflecting on the events of the past 6 months and everything that happened with my dad's illness and death, I don't know if I could have made it through without a testimony of Jesus Christ and His Atoning sacrifice. I can testify that the Savior really is the Prince of Peace.

How To Change the World

It turns out changing the world isn't as daunting as it seems. Here's a quick tip to get you started in that direction.


I hope my kids are watching... ;)

{This message came from a longer commencement address with ten tips on how to change the world. The other tips can be found here - each tip is a separate video and they will play in order.}

A Can of Worms

I've never been bitten by the genealogy bug... until now.

I just finished a four-day community course on the basics of genealogy. A lot of the material was review. I don't know a lot, but know just enough to be dangerous. I was given some good tips on narrowing down searches and various websites for getting information. On the last day of class, we had some time left at the end so I just started going through my family tree on FamilySearch.org. Oh boy. I had no idea when I identified my great grandma's youngest brother as a good place to start that I would end up so entrenched in his wife's family.

The Flynn Family, ca. 1921

I dove in last night and ended up at times with way-too-many tabs open on my computer and a web of documents, dates and people. At first, there was really nothing to go by except a few census records, but from there I identified her parents and brother. Her dad was a pretty fascinating fellow who was born in Scotland and worked as a hairdresser on 5th Avenue in New York City. There are multiple source documents for her dad and it's so cool to piece his life together and learn parts of his life story from these pieces of paper. Her mom was born in Illinois so I feel a connection on both sides.

It's still in a mess and I have to sort through a lot of things to fill in some gaps in my information, but it's so fascinating! Every new discovery is so satisfying.

My Wish

Maybe it's because Sam and Savannah are away at school, forging ahead toward a (hopefully) bright future. Maybe it's because Spencer will graduate from high school in 3 months. Maybe it's because life can be tricky at times and I want the best for my kids. Or maybe it's just because I'm feeling sentimental...

Whatever the reason, I've been listening to "My Wish," by Rascal Flatts on repeat. It's one of my favorites and does a great job expressing what I wish for my kids. If you're not familiar with it, listen to the lyrics. You'll see what I mean!

(I'd hoped to find an official music video by Rascal Flatts, but there isn't one.)

On Failing and Finishing

BYU has a devotional each Tuesday at 11:00 a.m. mountain time. They are always worthwhile, but this past Tuesday's devotional was especially good. It was given by Cassy Budd, a faculty member in the School of Accountancy within BYU's Marriott School of Management.

I listened to the devotional after Sam recommended it. I listened again with Jeff as we drove to Indianapolis on Friday. Then I listened for a third time tonight with the kids. I could listen to it again. If you can take the time, you won't regret it. 

If you'd rather read it, the text will eventually be posted here. You can also access audio and video from the same site. This is definitely one I'll bookmark and keep for future reference. I loved it!

Seek Sunlight

This quote came up in one of our lessons today at church. It's a great way to live and a good reminder to look for the good things in life. Good or bad, you find what you are looking for!

Let People Repent

I've been thinking about this quote a lot this week. I said something I shouldn't have said. I really thought it would help a situation, but it had the exact opposite effect. Now I feel like the people involved have forgotten every good thing I've ever done and define me by this one unfortunate moment. I'd go back and erase the whole thing if I could, but what's done is done. I may have permanently damaged some relationships despite my quick and sincere apology. I hope I'm wrong and it all blows over quickly. But it's the what if I'm not wrong that worries me. 

That's why this quote has been on my mind. It's caused me to reflect on how I treat others. Do I let others repent? Do I define people by their worst moments? Or do I give people the benefit of the doubt? Do I let people change and become better? Believe me, after seeing it from the side I'm on right now, I'll be much more gentle toward others in the future. It has helped me to see charity in a new and needed light.